So you probably think that you had the worst date ever and you have no chance of bouncing back (in which case, is very true), but to your great dismay relief, there’s someone out there who beat you to the “worst date ever, in history” award.

This forum post is about a guy who finally got a chick to give him her digits (or for some of you who aren’t “in” with the current “lingo”…he got her cell phone number) but with a very surprising twist…no, it does not end with him riding away with Princess Peach into the sunset, because I did that first, but instead of the sunset it was a bottomless pit.

Click for the full story (with pictures provided by MS Paint!)

Worst Possible “date” Ever…

“Getting to Know the Phailosophy Writer” is a new web page dedicated to one man, the Phailosophy writer. This is where readers can interact with him via comments and questions, or simply get to know him a little better. Don’t be afraid, he doesn’t bite…much

So are you interested yet? No? Well, I guess you don’t get to see some personal stuff about me–aaaaaaaand you’re not listening.

Getting to Know the Phailosophy Writer [tumblr]

Not saying that this is totally useless, because I totally am. Now all we need is a time machine, you know, much like the one built in Back to the Future, but instead of a car, it’ll be a unicorn strapped onto a flux-capacitator. A man can dream guys, but not me, the Phailosophy writer totally knows it’s going to happen

GoogleGoogleGoogleGoogle

Psh, I totally knew how to do the last two on my own never knew how demented some people are in this world and are in need of Google just to see if they can find answers.

More screenshots after the jump! (click the image for the full-sized image…you blind bastard)

And about the parakeet, if he DOES manage to eat your diarrhea, expect him to be the most quietest/smelliest house bird you’ve ever owned. Also, you need to get some help.

Google

how do you like that, Google?

As you can see, I got my own search engine, in which case, IS WAY BETTER THAN GOOGLE AND BING COMBINED (Boogling?). Anyways, if you want to make YOUR very own search engine, click the link below.

Click it, click it real good (to create your own search engine)

Thanks to FunnyLogo

shoot it, and something you love most dies...

You know, I really love games; it was (and still is) the most closest thing to me ever since birth. Now, when games start to threaten the very nature of my technological being…we got a problem. A problem that would be solved like the time a dog decided to “give me an early birthday/christmas present” (read: taking a big poo on my front lawn)

So Gage, can I call you G? Well, G invented a game similar to a very familiar game called “Space Invaders.” What? You don’t know what Space Invaders is? Well, we got a problem don’t we? I suggest you stop reading and play the damn game for 5 hours straight and come back. Done? Welcome back.

This game, called Lose/Lose, is probably the worst sort of video game you can play. Why? Because as the title implies; you lose no matter what you do. You see, if an alien manages to hit you, the game gets deleted of your harddrive. No problem, right? You’re probably thinking the obvious and shoot the little pests… but I wouldn’t do that if I were you.  Because for every alien you manage to shoot, one random file off your computer WILL BE DELETED FOREVER.

“Personally, I’ve always been really interested in how the internet abstracts us from what we do or say by way of anonymity. This is the same mechanic that Lose/Lose employs. You are the entire time aware of what you’re doing, but you are abstracted from it by the video game layer. This mirrors a lot of these aggressive situations on the internet.

You’d think that people would avoid this game, well, for one thing it can delete something very important from their precious PC at any damn moment they “shoot an alien.” Think again, because right now, you’re sucking at it.

A list on Gage’s website reports high scores generated by gamers unafraid of the damage “Lose/Lose would do to their computers. The top scorer has “slaughtered 4912 aliens” and done who knows how much damage to their computer, if the data being pulled by the game’s website is accurate and real, which Gage says it is. “I think the people who’ve played it have added an important element to it,” he said “In demonstrating that they value their data differently.”

Wow…now, I totally love my PC to death and would, without a doubt, not play this game. But who said I can’t play it on my friend’s computer?

UPDATE: WOOOOOOOO! Got a new highscore! 100,000 points! Couldn’t go any farther, though, because as soon as I hit that number, his computer turned off and incidentally wouldn’t turn on anymore . DARN

You can go to the official site here where the game can be downloaded. Remember, this can delete ANY file in your computer. You have been warned!

Thanks to Kotaku

Doesn't seem too friendly to me

Hey fellow phailosophy readers! How’s it been? Bad you say? Well, sucks…doesn’t it? We all have to go through it sometime in our life. Well, you know, except me. Only because Ive been such a good boy that karma just doesn’t even bother anymore…AAAANywho:

It seems that japan did something crazy yet again. This time though, for somethng less…socially awkward (unless you count what I say next socially awkward, in which case: it’s probably you who is socially awkward to begin with). There’s been a lot of suicides down in the east and japan finally had it, so what did they do? What any reasonable person would do: install blue LED lights near train stations to soothe the passengers.

East Japan Railway Co. will install blue lighting, thought to have an emotionally calming effect, on Tokyo’s Yamanote Line in the hope it will make suicidal people think twice about jumping in front of trains.

The japanese say that blue is a very calming color, which is best suited for a working environment. Well, not to say that I don’t work in a depressing working space…because I totally am. It’s just me and this coffee in this very dark room.

Nevermind…the coffee commited suicide.

Thanks to CartoonLeap

As you can see, he’s singing to the tone of the new song on those new Geico commercials. I can never sing like that, not since that time I got my singing box ripped out by my jealous ex-girlfriend. She knew I was a better singer than her, even if it made her ears bleed.

Thanks to Youtube

Whether or not a user is on other social networks also determines their willingness to use a service like Twitter. According to the study, 35 percent of those who have profiles on MySpace, Facebook, or LinkedIn also have profiles on Twitter. The study also found that just 6 percent of those who don’t use other social networks are on Twitter.

Amazing, well, not really. I don’t need to update my life to a bunch of strangers over the interwebs. Not me, I have better things to do… things as in sit in the basement and cry why I don’t have friends. AND that’s why I became the Phailosophy writer.

Study: Twitter users young, wireless, on other social sites | Webware – CNET

that's...freakin small

Seeing as I love dinosaurs and my readers, I was able to find something that would satisfy the both of you! Now, in return, I demand a Misty poster mailed at my doorway… at this very moment. No? Then, that’s just being mean to your ole friend the Phailosophy writer AND I won’t tell you the secret on the complicated subject called women. NAH! I’m just lying to you, I have no freakin’ clue when it comes to those…species.

Archeologists just recently discovered a dinosaur that is presumed to be under to pounds and a little over 2 feet tall. It is now recorded as the smallest dino in the world (next to the chicken sized, meat-eating, 4-5 pounder one discovered in North America).

The newly identified creature weighed less than two pounds and stood a little over two feet tall, said Luis Chiappe, director of the Dinosaur Institute of the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County where the fossil bones are stored.

The dinosaur ‘would have looked like a roadrunner on steroids,’ Chiappe said.

It likely ate plants and hunted bugs during the late Jurassic period, about 150 million years ago. It was so tiny and fast that it probably darted between the legs of larger dinosaurs, researchers said.

Bones of four individuals — including skull, arm and leg fragments — were discovered three decades ago in Fruita in western Colorado and kept at the museum.

Chiappe and an international team recently identified and named it Fruitadens haagarorum, which incorporates where the bones were found and the name of the president of the museum’s board of trustees, Paul Haaga.

Now I’m not the one to say that size matters, because in this case it would totally own. Can you imagine having one of these as a pet? It’d totally scare the living dead out of the neighbor’s dog, which I might say is totally pissing me off right now. Too bad most people will mistaken this thing as my man unit, because it’s as long and as fast as this little fella. HIYO!

Thanks to DAWN